Understanding Emotions

Your Child’s Feelings Are Real – Listen Before You React

Sometimes, children’s emotions pass very quickly, yet those very moments can leave a lasting “imprint” in their hearts.

Think of a child’s feelings like clouds in the sky: some are light and gentle, others heavy and gray. For adults, these “small showers” may seem insignificant, but for a child, they can feel like a storm. When parents dismiss or ignore those emotions, it’s like telling the child: “You’re not allowed to feel this way.” This unintentionally teaches children to hide their feelings instead of learning to understand and express them.

So, instead of reacting right away with “It’s nothing to be sad about” or “Don’t cry anymore,” try asking:

“Can you tell Mom and Dad what’s making you feel this way?”

Why is it important to acknowledge your child’s “small” emotions?

According to John Bowlby’s attachment theory, when children experience unconditional love, care, and understanding from their primary caregivers, they build a strong sense of trust in themselves and in the world around them. As a result, they become more confident, capable of forming healthy relationships, empathizing with others, and managing their emotions skillfully (McLeod, 2025).

On the other hand, when children’s emotions are frequently dismissed, they may struggle to express themselves, leading to emotional outbursts or withdrawal. This reduces their ability to empathize with others and fosters the false belief that “feelings are weakness and should not be shown.” A child who knows they are loved will be stronger, more willing to take risks, and eager to explore the world around them.

How can you support your child’s emotions?

Pause to listen

When your child is expressing emotions, stop what you are doing, make eye contact, and show them they truly have your attention.
Ask open-ended questions

Instead of asking “Are you sad?”, ask “How are you feeling?” or “What did that make you think about?” Open questions encourage children to share more.
Name their emotions

For example: “I see that you’re disappointed because you couldn’t keep playing.” This helps children learn to identify emotions and find words to express them.
Share your own stories

Sometimes, telling your child that you’ve also felt sad, angry, or worried helps them see that emotions are normal and something everyone experiences.

Understanding your child means giving them the right to feel

When a child feels that their emotions are respected, they also learn to respect the emotions of others. That becomes the foundation for empathy, resilience, and long-term happiness.